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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247796">Happy to be hungry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrais/pseuds/Amrais'>Amrais</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Scorpion (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eating Disorders, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:34:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrais/pseuds/Amrais</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When things get stressful and emotionally exhausting, Happy falls back into unhealthy habits. But it shouldn’t take the geniuses around her too long to notice, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Toby Curtis &amp; Happy Quinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m just in the middle of Season 1, so don’t be mad at me, if I mess something up with my fic, that’s different or relevant in later seasons.<br/>This is my first Scorpion fanfic, so please let me know, what I can do better.<br/>Also English is not my first language, please feel free to point out any mistakes.<br/>I would really be grateful if you would leave a comment, they mean the world to me and I respond to all of them!<br/>Hope you enjoy the story!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They just had successfully closed a case and Walter was asking, what everyone wanted for dinner.<br/>
“Everyone gets his favorite”, he said. “Happy, what do you want?”<br/>
“I’ll have the extra large margarita form Tony’s!” Sylvester butted in.<br/>
“I know, I already ordered for you”, answered Walter, “but actually I wasn’t talking to you, I was asking Happy.”<br/>
Happy shook her head, “actually I can’t stay for dinner, I’ve promised my dad, I would help him with a car. I’m already late,” she said grabbing her bag from the floor.<br/>
“But Happy, we said we would all eat together to celebrate”, Sylvester whined.<br/>
“I know guys, I’m sorry. Next time, yeah?” She turned to leave.<br/>
Outside the door she could hear the others still talking. She took a deep breath. It was true, that she had promised her dad, that she would stop by at the body shop, but it actually didn’t matter, if she went by today or tomorrow. But as Walter had started to take everyone’s orders and they all had shouted food requests at him, she started to feel nervous. She did not know what she wanted, was not sure, if she was hungry at all, even though she oughta be, after a tiering day like this. But instead of making a pressured decision, she had decided to get out of there. Gently she placed a hand on her flat stomach as if to see if the hunger would kick against her hand, like a baby would probably do, but nothing happened. Of course not. She shrugged her shoulders and set herself in motion. One missed meal was no reason to panic. It was fine, she had everything under control. She would make up for it later.  </p><p>The evening with her father was nice. They had worked in silence until after midnight. It only occurred to her, that she had not grabbed that burger on her way home, like she planed to do, when she saw the takeout containers from last night spilling out of the garbage in the garage. She hadn’t eaten since before yesterday and a very small part of her brain was hyper aware of this fact, while the larger part pretended to have forgotten that she too was human and therefore needed food. She greeted Sylvester and Toby grumpily, before striding over to her work table and engaging in the machine she had been working on. Work always made her forget about anything else. It calmed her nerves and let her wandering mind focus. By midday she was pulled out of her zen state, when Toby leaned against her work bench, holding two plates with what looked like Paiges pasta salad.<br/>
“I thought you could need some fuel”, he told her, when she had stopped the welder. She had half in mind to decline the food and just work through it, but for once her stomach gave a noticeable rumbling that even she couldn’t ignore much longer.<br/>
“Thanks”, she said. “You can leave it there, I’m just going to wash my hands.”<br/>
“I’m happy to wait for you”, he said with a grin.<br/>
She rolled here eyes, but couldn’t suppress a small smile.<br/>
Digging in, she noticed how hungry she was.<br/>
“Soo, how are things with your Dad?” Toby asked casually.<br/>
“Good”, was all Happy had to say. And really it was good. They understood each other without words and their love for mechanics helped them bond. But she was worried about his drinking habit he was trying to hide rather clumsily from her. Did he really think, she couldn’t smell it on him, if he used mouthwash in copious amounts. But the last thing she would do was to talk to Toby about it. She couldn’t help, but to feel protective of her tiny family. She would handle it, once she finally kicked herself in the butt and got over her fear to discuss anything personal.<br/>
“Man, you must have been hungry”, Toby said suddenly and gestured to her already empty plate. There was no reason really to blush the way she did. </p><p>That night she got her fathers favorite chines takeaway for him and herself, but when she entered the garage, her father was passed out on the couch in the faraway corner, several empty beer bottles lying on the ground. She sighed and sat down the food. Then she cleaned up around him and put the food in the fridge so it wouldn’t spoil. She took the threadbare old blanked and pulled it over him.<br/>
“Night Dad”, she said as gently as she could. This wasn’t really his fault. Life had not been kind to him and until now, there was nobody he had to consider. It was ok, because she knew, he would call her in the morning, after noticing, that she had stopped by the night before. He would stumble through some apologies and she would tell him, that it was ok.<br/>
She put out the lights when she left.<br/>
But even though she wanted it to be ok it was not. She was angry. Not necessarily at her Dad, more like the whole situation. Now that she had found the one person that was family, she secretly longed for the feeling of safety parents were supposed to give and what she had never known.<br/>
Happy directly drove to the gym, where she spent almost all her free time training. After changing into her gym clothes, she went to hit the punching bag. Hard.<br/>
After nearly to hours at it, Jesus, the owner of the gym called out to her.<br/>
“Happy, this is enough, go home!”<br/>
Happy turned around and starred at him angrily. Unimpressed Jesus strolled over.<br/>
“What’s going on girl? You’ve been at this bag for tow hours, going at it like it had killed someone.”<br/>
He was the only one, who could call her girl, without having to fear a punch to the nose. They went way back. For a short time, they had been Forster siblings in a nice family, until Happy had messed up again and had to leave. But they stayed in contact and Happy had started to train at his gym the minute it had opened. Surprisingly he had been there for her when things were rough. He let her train when she had absolutely no money to pay for it and more than once he let her sleep on the couch in the office, pushing a hot bowl of ramen into her hands and telling her to eat it.<br/>
“Nothing, it’s just a little stressful at work”, she lied.<br/>
“Alright, but if you wanna talk, you know where I am. Now go home, have a hot shower, eat something and then go to bed! Understood?” he asked sternly.<br/>
A rare smile chased away her normally blank expression.<br/>
“Yes Sir. Thanks Jesus.”<br/>
“Anytime.”</p><p>After the shower she already felt better. She took a few mouthfuls of cold rice noodles, but she wasn’t really hungry, so she soon crawled into her bed and fell asleep within the minute.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‚I‘m in control‘, she told herself. ‚I‘m fine, I don’t need to do this.‘ she was bend over, her hands on her knees, as if she had run several miles. In front of her on the Counter there was a plate with some plain toast on it. She needed to eat it, she really did. The scale told her so unmistakably. But she couldn’t. There was a knot in her stomach, so big, nothing could fit around it. She knew that this was all in her head. She had always known that. But it didn’t change anything about the fact, that it affected her body the most. She did not want it. Never, ever again.<br/>
„Come on. Eat it!“ this time she was talking aloud. Aggressively she grabbed the toast, tore a piece of and stuffed it in her mouth. Immediately she felt the urge to spit it out, but she refused to let her mind overpower her body. She chewed and swallowed, dry heaving a bit. Quickly she washed it down with a long sip of coffee. When all of the toast was forced down, she already was late and cursing loudly, while she ran out the door. Driving like a maniac made her feel better. There she really felt in control. She knew what she was doing. She loved the speed, the feeling of being one with a machine. And she enjoyed, that her style of driving made other people feel unsafe and insecure. Everyone needed to be reminded that life was fragile once in a while. And she was happy to be the one that showed people.<br/>
When she reached the garage her mood was a lot better than this morning. Not even Toby and his stupid grin could put a damper on that. The team had no case so far and everyone was minding their own business. Walter was working on his rocket, Sylvester was watching an online auction for a super fun guy first edition, Toby was doing something on his computer, she did not want to know what exactly and Paige was drinking coffee and reading a newspaper.<br/>
„ This is unbelievable,“ she suddenly said.<br/>
„What is?“ Toby asked.<br/>
„There is a report on how many children are suffering in the Forster system. They are talking about all kinds of abuse. Verbally, physically and even sexually“, she listed.<br/>
„Damn“, Happy cursed when her wrench slipped and she scraped her hand in the process.<br/>
„And this surprises you?“ Toby asked Paige.<br/>
„Vulnerable kids no one cares about…making money out of them. That’s just bait for predators and sadists.“<br/>
„That’s horrible!“ Paige protested.<br/>
Toby just shrugged his shoulders.<br/>
Happy picked up her welder, although she did not really need it. But the noise would drown out this conversation and if she was lucky her thoughts as well. </p><p>When she came home that night, after a long day of waiting around for a job that never came. For her it was a long day of trying to suppress unwanted memories. Locked doors, shouting adults, fear and pain and of course, hunger. She massaged her temples. The headache was killing her. She should eat something, she really should, but she knew it was pointless. Her stomach was so twisted, that she couldn’t even drink something without heaving. Regardless she poured herself a Glas of water. She hadn’t switched on the lights when she entered her apartment. So she stood in her dark kitchen, watched how the passing cars painted golden lights at the ceiling and tried not to lose it. Slowly the water in the Glas started to quiver as she started shaking.<br/>
„Damn it“, she whispered into her empty dark kitchen.<br/>
When she sank to her knees crying a passing police siren drowned it the sound of her sobbing. She hated crying. After all those years it still felt like a weakness. But here nobody could see her. Here, she didn’t need to be strong. She rolled herself to a ball on her kitchen floor and let go.<br/>
When she finally moved again after nearly an hour of lying on the floor, reliving he worst memories, she slowly sat up. Her head was hurting and her eyes were burning. Stiffly she got up off the flor and limped into the bathroom. She ran herself a bath, risking a glance in the mirror while she did so. She looked horrible, with her face looking blank as usual but with her eyes red rimmed and glassy she looked positively like a vampire. She sighed and pulled her hair up in a bun.<br/>
Everyone always thought, that she had no feelings, but having a low eq didn’t exactly mean that they had no emotions at all. Even worse, emotions weren’t logic, so it was even harder to process them. She could practically hear Walter in her head, telling her that her way of dealing with her trauma was irrational. Toby would tell her that she needed to talk about it. But rather would she cut out her tongue, then to let anyone know how much she was struggling right now. </p><p>“Are you alright?” Toby asked her worriedly the next day. “You look like you haven’t slept.”<br/>
Actually she had gotten a good nights sleep after her exhausting breakdown the night before, but again she had missed nearly a whole day worth of food and this morning she hadn’t even tried to force a attempt of breakfast down. She sure as hell knew, that she couldn’t function on an optimum without enough food in her system, but the knot in her stomach did not care about logic. It drove her crazy.<br/>
Carefully she nibbled at the cookie she had forced herself to choose from the tin in the coffee corner.<br/>
“I’m fine”, she said turning away and throwing the cookie in the bin when she was sure, that Toby couldn’t see her anymore.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you like it, drop me a comment, they mean the world to me! <br/>Thank you so much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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